Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
