So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
