this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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