I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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