If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize