We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
