I got chris browned last night
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
