My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
