Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
