I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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