I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
