My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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