So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
