This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
