i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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