normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize