when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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