Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
