Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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