Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
