he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
