My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
