I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
