areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
