She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
