This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
