I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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