someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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