1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
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