Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just pee around me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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