Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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