I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
