Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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