1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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