im about as happy as oj after his trial
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
