omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
