Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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