i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
