Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
