She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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