it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
