Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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