It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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