Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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