Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
