i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
