i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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