so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Welp...herpes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
