the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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