one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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