The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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