pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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