remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
