It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
