I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
