I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
