I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
