I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
