just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
