You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
bring money and cleavage
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
